She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
