Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
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there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
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I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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