I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize