I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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