Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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