it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
