You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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