I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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