And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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