apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
