I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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