I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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