im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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