Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
