Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
