Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
