Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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