I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
