i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
