there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
