dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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