And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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