I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
