He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
