I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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