Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
