I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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