wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
