insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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