My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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