I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
