I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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