I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
