I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
