I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
