Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
