So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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