no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
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Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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