I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Text me some of your sweat
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
