Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
