No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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