Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
