Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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