its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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