i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
