i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize