i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
