She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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