I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
