i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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