Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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