Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
