Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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