OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
