Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
