Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Randomize
