It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
