the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
