If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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