he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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