Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
