Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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