you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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