It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
