Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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