Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
