The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
