I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
