How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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