maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
