my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
