How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
