R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
