i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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