Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
