Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
