i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
