Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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