I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Life is so much better after having sex.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
