ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
