he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
