Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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